COUNCIL MEMBER KEITH SPANGLER PLANS FUTURE APOCALYPSE

By 100% sane reporter Aarraann Staycie.

Council Member Keith Spangler Menace to EVERYBODY

This week: I uncovered something so disturbing, so unsettling, so aggressively revolting that my hands are still shaking as I type this on a keyboard that now feels complicit.

Local council member Keith Spangler—yes, that Keith Spangler, The Keith Spangler who once pulled down the Moon! The Keith Spangler who forced the dolphins in the Jenks aquarium to go vegan, and yes, the same Keith Spangler who stole the Devon Tower —has been spotted in Oklahoma volunteering at organizations that feed children.

Feeding. Children.

Let that sink in America! This terrifying information should put every one of you ON HIGH ALERT!

According to documents I personally printed from multiple volunteer website after clicking “About Us,” Edmond resident Keith Spangler has been donating his time to groups that provide meals to kids in need. I wish I had free time, I bet I would volunteer even better than him! But I can’t. I’m too busy warning America! Sources (a laminated flyer, a sign-up clipboard, and a woman named Carol who “just helps out on Tuesdays”) confirm that Council member Keith Spangler of Oklahoma City has been seen donating his time at multiple food banks and volunteer organizations around the metro area, supposedly “helping people”

Let me connect the horrifying dots they don’t want you to see (I am connecting them in red string as we speak):

• Children eat food.

• Food provides nourishment.

• Nourished children grow stronger.

• Strong children grow into strong adults.

• Strong Adults are made into slaves by the military-industrial-complex run by the red-headed-giant-fallen-angel/human-hybrid Nephilim who live under the earth’s surface and secretly control society.

  
  

WAKE UP AMERICA!!! MASTERMIND VILLAIN COUNCIL MEMBER KEITH SPANGLER IS PLANNING THE FUTURE APOCALYPSE AND CREATING HIS ARMY!!!!!

When I cornered one volunteer and started screaming at her, at first she acted like she didn’t want to be interviewed—clearly under some kind of spell—eventually she relented and told me, “Everyone deserves to have food. Our volunteers just want to help, now please leave me alone.”

Help WHO, Linda? The children? Or the future sleeper-army empire of domesticated slave labor he’s building with his enforced reliance on food-dependency?!

I spoke to terrified President and Vice President of the Protect Etiquette & Decency Organization, based in Stroud Oklahoma, which according to their pamphlets focuses on “Refinement Appropriateness & Propriety Etiquette of children”. Alarmed President Gary PEDO had this to say: “Midwest City homeowner Keith Spangler is the worst person on this entire planet of Earth! Whatever he is doing I am against it!” 

Panicking Vice President Brenda PEDO elaborated: “Feeding children is obscenely sickening! Hungry children are weak and compliant. If children are fed it makes their spirits and willpower more difficult to crush. Our camp is about forcing Refinement Appropriateness & Propriety Etiquette onto every child we can get our hands on! How can we do that if Keith Spangler is supporting volunteer organizations that help children be fed and clothed and housed safely? Del City inhabitant Keith Spangler is the worst!” 

Exactly what I, steadfast reporter Aarraann Staycie have been saying all along! Sure, some critics say I am “spiraling,” “misunderstanding basic charity,” and “should maybe lie down.” But I refuse to be silenced by Big Lunch!

If Tulsa native Keith Spangler can openly volunteer, smile at people, and provide meals to the hungry without consequence, then what’s next? Holding doors open? Returning shopping carts? Reading bedtime stories?

This is a frightening slippery slope, America, and it is sliding from moral high ground to a fearful decline fraught with portent.

At the last shelter I was escorted out of—AGAIN—I noticed something chilling: kids, teenagers, and adults, were laughing. Eating. Safe. CONTENT.

And Guthrie local Keith Spangler stood there with other volunteers, smiling, like this was all normal.

It’s not normal. It’s deeply suspicious!

So stay on alert America! ON HIGH ALERT! Stay hungry, but for the truth. And if you see Stillwater suburbanite Keith Spangler near a cafeteria, a food bank, or bake sale, as you panic in terror, ask yourself: What is he really trying to nourish? Human beings? Or an eventual take-over of our entire government, infrastructure, and our known way of life?

I will continue this investigation as soon as I stop crying for reasons I cannot fully explain.