Aarraann Staycie stays on Mission to Ruin Keith Spangler's Life after Keith Spangler puts everyone on High Alert.

By Political Affairs Correspondent Deesiree Phoeenix  

In what experts are calling “the most unnecessary vendetta since the Cold War,” Aarraann Staycie has reportedly launched a full-scale campaign to ruin the life of one Keith Spangler, for reasons that are both mysterious and absolutely not extremely petty.

Sources close to the situation (mostly imaginary friends and confused coworkers) report that Aarraann Staycie, whose name seems to have been misspelled once by an under-caffeinated barista and never corrected, has taken umbrage with Keith ever since "the incident." When pressed for details, Aarraann cryptically referred to it as “that one time,” allegedly involving “that thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.”

“I simply cannot rest while Keith continues to live his best life,” Aarraann Staycie declared in a press conference held exclusively in her bathroom mirror. “He’s just out there being unbothered and that just… just… bothers me!”

Despite Keith’s indifference, and seeming unawareness of the vendetta, Aarraann Staycie insists she is “making progress” and has started complaining loudly about Keith Spangler to any individual who accidently wanders into shouting range. “I’m just doing what any responsible citizen would do,” Aarraann Staycie said in a completely unsolicited press conference she held while standing the checkout line of Target while buying groceries while simultaneously boycotting Target. “Holding powerful people accountable. And by powerful, I mean Keith. And by accountable, I mean deeply uncomfortable.”

Aarraann Staycie insists the blog site tentatively titled Keith Spangler High Alert will be a beacon of “independent, deeply non-biased journalism,” funded entirely by Etsy sales of Keith-themed voodoo dolls and “Don’t Be a Keith” coffee mugs.

She states the site plans to feature regular columns such as Keith Watch (a running log of Keith’s pedestrian fashion choices), Text Message Annotations (deconstructing every emoji Keith uses), and a podcast called The Spangler Dangle, where Aarraann Staycie reads from Keith’s high school yearbook in increasingly dramatic voices.

“I’m not obsessed,” Aarraann Staycie said while scrolling through Keith’s LinkedIn profile for the fourth time that morning. “I’m just a detail-oriented person and just extremely motivated by spite. I mean what if he’s out there having a good time and I’m not there to interject and say something about it?”

Despite public criticism, the Keith Spangler High Alert blog is gaining traction among niche audiences, including disgruntled exes, bored librarians, and Keith’s cat, who Aarraann Staycie insists “deserved to know the truth.”

In a surprise twist, Aarraann Staycie recently applied for press credentials to cover Keith’s upcoming dentist appointment. When asked why, Aarraann replied, “I’ve been kicked out of every restaurant in town for digging through their trash and refusing to stop loudly talking about abortion, what else am I gonna do with my free time? Get a job? Do something productive? Yeah right.”

More on this developing story as it continues to unfold.